Cover Letter

[jdm2008]

Hello,

I've pasted a resume I wrote, and would like some feedback about how it could be improved. When reading it myself my impression is its not that great but I have gotton some mixed feedback so please comment. This is job is for a position that is out of state, and I have to relocate for, I was wondering if I need to address this somehow?

Jonathan Morrell
{address removed}


7/8/09
Dear Mr. Martinez:
In response to the posting for a Quality Engineer I am enclosing my resume. I am a recent college graduate with a Bachelors degree in Manufacturing Engineering and am currently employed with Covidien Inc.
My education and experience will make me a strong fit for this position and a valuable contributor to your organization. While at Covidien I gained valuable experience, designing and testing systems used in a medical device. I was responsible for designing a manifold and a electronics package for a pneumatic controller. I also have experience gathering, collecting and analyzing data for the purpose of confirming the effectiveness of designs and making modifications. In addition to this experience I also have knowledge of the standard ISO 13485 and I have experience with Good Manufacturing Practices and ensuring they are followed. Related to this I (while at The Pepsi Bottling Group) instituted a inspection program for brittle glass and plastic parts that in order to conform to food and safety audit requirements.
My resume gives more detail about my experience and skills that would assist me in succeeding as a Quality Engineer. Please contact me at {phone number removed}, or {email removed} to set up an interview or if you have any questions.
Sincerely,
Jonathan Morrell

[cvsage]

Be more tentative. Ask whether your experience would "make me a strong fit for this position and a valuable contributor to your organization" instead of assuming it. Find out more about what they need before applying. It's OK to use the telephone and he night be impressed by your initiative. Your letter is neither exceptional nor terrible but at your age a bit of real commitment and determination works wonders.

[wroxtar]

Wouldn't it be better if you include a Subject field there? Just asking...opinions are welcome.

[need_a_job]

... instituted an inspection program ...

[wroxtar]

Originally Posted by need_a_job

... instituted an inspection program ...

Yea, minor mistake, but worth turning an impression from good to bad. Spelling mistakes should be as low as zero while composing such important letters.

[celectra]

Instead you should begin with "In response to the posting for a Quality Engineer I am enclosing my resume. As a recent college graduate with a Bachelors degree in Manufacturing Engineering, I am confident that you will find my educational background relevant to this position."

[cvsage]

That link takes him to an exceptionally banal, amateurish and unexceptional conceptual basis for a cover letter that will make someone who follows it look unintelligent.

[andrewsegawa]

I have no problem with your cover letter, it is ok

[Interviewer]

Hi Jonathan,

Here are my thoughts on your cover letter.

1. Try to impress upon the recruiter why you want the job /join the company.

2. Break your cover letter into paragraphs rather than a block of text.

3. Try to improve the grammar in the underlined words "Related to this I (while at The Pepsi Bottling Group) instituted a inspection program for brittle glass and plastic parts that in order to conform to food and safety audit requirements."

4. This post on The Retired Recruiter's blog may be helpful How To Write Cover Letters To Grab The Recruiter's Attention.

Best of luck with your search.